This week should have been an exciting week. We have our walk through of our new house on Wednesday and we close on Friday. Tuesday we sign the petition for the adoption of my stepdaughter, soon to be adoptive daughter. The date is set for our stepson’s adoption. All of this good stuff going on, yet so much negative.
Our oldest dachshund has been in the pet urgent care since Friday with pancreatitis. She has not been getting any better. The vet at urgent care told me to prepare myself and my family for having to make a hard decision. When we took her in, the doctor scolded us that she was not spayed. So, my anger towards my husband’s ex-wife has begun to swell again. We already lost one dog due to the poor dog not being fixed in a timely manner and not being properly taken care of or trained. Now, we may lose another before we even move to the new house.
As we have been packing, there are many things that we have had to throw out because of the smell of cigarette smoke. I told Nick that had I been his mom after asking that woman to not smoke in the house I was renting to her for a low price, I would have walked in and told her to stop smoking in my damn house or I’d kick her out. But, that is not how his mom is. She has been nothing but sweet to me. We were going through my stepdaughters plushies and I was so mad because some of them just smell so bad like smoke. A child’s stuffed animal smells like smoke. We are going to wash the ones she wants to keep, and I am hoping that it gets that smell out of there. It is just ingrained into everything that was in their old house. Granted, we have gotten rid of much of the crap that smelled, there are certain items that we cannot get rid of, like important papers. My husband had to throw out some important items to him because they cannot be cleaned and when they are taken out it makes the whole room smell bad.
So, yes, my anger has swelled again that his ex did not do anything but make messes for everyone else to clean up. Finding out that she had smacked my stepdaughter and verbally abused her was the icing on the nasty cigarette cake. I think moving from this house will help. I am still so angry that our poor pup is in the urgent care.
On top of all of that, this whole country is shutting down due to this virus. Our family has pretty much been self quarantining ourselves. My husband’s work hours are changing to half a day to keep the interaction between employees at a minimum. This could eventually go to working from home. I’m supposed to have interviews. We were going to enroll our girl in school. Now everything is up in the air. In the meantime, we have plenty of packing to do this week. We have to get all of our utilities to get them move-in ready. There is much to be done. Working on all of that should help the anger. I’m just tired of the smoke smell that permeates everything.
I guess I also forgot to mention that when I went to grab some of my clothes out of my old closet, I found my brother’s vodka bottles. Most empty, some full. So, he is still drinking and now I have the proof. I’ve also caught my dad lying about something important. Odd that my mom would be the one who is the sane one. It is true, parents are completely different with grandchildren than they are with their own children. My mom treats both of my kids like they are gold. Hell, I think they even actually like her. My stepdaughter texted my mom a couple weeks ago to ask her to pick her up so she could see the dogs. I am glad my mom can have that relationship with them. It does make me sad that her and I will never have that.
I know this post isn’t exactly PCOS related, but I needed to get some things off of my chest. I do know now that last week’s emotions were due to PCOS and the crazy hormones. I had my first actual period that I have had in years. I never get one because I have an IUD in. This one, oh it was bad and it hurt. I do finally have my first two appointments set up for the bariatric surgery. On March 31st, I will begin my six months journey to surgery. I’m excited and scared at the same time. Lets hope that all of this virus is under control. People need to stop going out when they have any symptoms of being sick. It is just irresponsible and selfish.
As I write this, I am waiting for my husband and girl to get back from dropping off insulin at the urgent care. Relish is medicated and sleeping. I am hoping that she will make it through this. It is heart wrenching. It came on so suddenly. So, if you believe in praying, send some prayers. If not, some positive vibes would be great. In the meantime, I am going to work on continuing to let go of this anger that keeps coming up in waves. It is the past and that is where it belongs is in the past. I need to quit letting someone I never knew creep into my life and my thoughts. I have tried to feel some sort of pity or love or anything other than anger. The only thing I can feel is thankful for the kids that I now have in my life and the incredible man that is now mine. I love them with all that I have.