Adoption, anxiety, depression, Health, pcos, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Women's Health

Beginning a Journey

I have begun my journey to weight-loss surgery. Apparently this is something that is controversial. I made a post on my personal Facebook (I have yet to set one up for my blog). I got so many recommendations about diets and medications. Only one person, who had the sleeve done, was positive about it. Yes, I have done dieting, I’ve spent hours at the gym. I still gained weight. Having PCOS sucks. I am comfortable in my body, I like my curves. But, I also know that the extra weight makes me feel sick nearly every single day. The thing is, it is not that bad of a surgery. I’ve chosen to do the bypass surgery because there is a greater success rate. It is nearly the same surgery as what my mom had, just not as complicated. Yes, I do have to diet before I have the surgery. Insurance has a rule that I have to meet with a doctor once a month for six months to check in with my weight. I have to keep a food journal.

So, my husband and I are going to begin the south beach diet. I need to do a high protein and low carb diet. Some have suggested keto, but I don’t think they realize how dangerous that diet is. It is not a sustainable way of living. I am excited to begin this journey. I had a long talk with my therapist the other day because I have been having nearly daily panic attacks. I am going into the office next week to have some hypnotherapy. We are planning on doing another regression session to help with moving forward. Hypnotherapy may sound weird, but it has helped me be able to live my life. I still have anger towards certain individuals, I probably always will. I still have some PTSD from my past, but it gets better as time goes on. Lately though, I have felt it crippling me again. I know, so many things are going on in the world and things are changing. It is extremely hard to explain to a 20-year old why they cannot just go sit in a car with friends right now. Even with face masks, it is too risky. We have seen my in-laws twice since all of this started and they do not come near us, nor us them. When we go see the dogs, we stay outside of my parents and do not go near them.

I have emailed a dog trainer to work with Jaxx and his aggression towards Olive. I honestly don’t think he likes female dogs. We plan on bringing Rollie to live with us this weekend. We have all been trying to keep busy. We sign my daughter’s adoption petition papers tomorrow finally. She turned 17 yesterday. They are both growing up way too fast. One thing that was brought up by the bariatric surgeon is that if I wanted to have children, I could not have the surgery. I told him that ship has sailed. We have spoken about possibly adopting or even doing foster care. But I think at this point, we are happy with the way things are. I got accepted into dissertation and that will be my next year busy. My husband wants to go back to school for his master’s degree. We each have three degrees at this point and will both be getting a fourth. Too bad we couldn’t have kids. They could probably rule the world. Not saying that the ones we have now couldn’t. Both are extremely smart.

Right now I am battling yet another sinus infection with an ear infection. I cannot wait to get the sinus surgery done! I feel like I may be coming out of this funk. I try to look around when I get bad and see all of the people in my life and all of the accomplishments. We are still enjoying our new house. We have been working on the yard and have so many ideas of what we want to do. The inside is coming along nicely. Home ownership has been fun so far. We’ve had a few snags, but it is so cute to see my husband looking up landscaping ideas.

For now, I will keep trying to look at the positive and try not to focus so much on the negative. I’m still working on getting negative people out of my life. Some people can never be supportive or happy for you no matter what.