anxiety, depression, Health, lifestyle, pcos, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, stress, Women's Health

Isolation is Hard, but Necessary

I know many people right now are struggling with some mental health issues due to social distancing. Having PCOS with the changing in hormones, my days are so different every day. Some days I am happy to be home and being able to get projects done. Other days, I just want to be able to put makeup on and go out and have fun. Then I get sad because life is not normal anymore. It probably never will be again. I get anxiety because I do not want to get this sickness.

I had to get tested last week. The test itself was not that bad. However, waiting for the results was the worst. Luckily it was negative. Our home isolation is now lifted, but we are still doing online orders for groceries. We have ordered so many new items for the house. The decorating is coming along nicely. The past couple days we have been working in the yard. We have so many ideas and we both have to keep reminding ourselves that we have years in this house to do what we want. We do not have to have everything done right now.

When it comes to isolation, I honestly think it is for the best. I do not want to get sick, nor do I want to be responsible for someone else getting sick. That is especially true if the person were to die from this virus. I cannot believe that grown men are protesting with guns about the stay-at-home orders. These are the same men who want to deny a woman her own bodily rights. Oh, women too, are protesting this. The things is, a woman’s choice to get an abortion hurts nobody. These men and women protesting, however, can infect others and hurt them. In Alabama, they have had an increase in infections since a protest happened. I try not to get political on here, but we have a shit for a leader. There are people being brainwashed by him and not listening to science. I’m currently reading a book on the 1918 flu. This is not the first time our country has failed to follow science rather than “freedom” or religious beliefs. We have a bunch of ignorant, uneducated people wanting to go out and get infected and infect others.

I have also been struggling with motherhood the past week. We had to show our son how to really clean a bathroom rather than just wipe it down. I feel bad that I am so picky, but I like things clean and organized. I’m a bit OCD. It is disappointing that the kids were never taught how to do things by their birth mother. It frustrates me sometimes when asking my husband why they were not taught how to do certain things. I know my son is sad because the anniversary is coming up, but he is dealing with it well. I feel bad because it does not seem that the kids did not have much of a normal, happy childhood. I feel this immense draw to create that for them, yet I know that I need to teach them things to become responsible adults. I see how my little girl (okay, she is not little, she will be 17 soon, but she is still little) suffers from certain things. I also know how I grew up and I know why she does some of the things that she does or why she feels some of the things that she does.

I am finally meeting with the bariatric surgeon next week. I also got my sinus surgery back on the books. It is scary not knowing if my cough is allergies or if it is Covid-19. Its like a game each day. I have been so stressed that I have been bleeding. My body is going crazy with its hormones out of whack. I hope that the surgery will help a bit with that. I am trying to work on eating healthier and I have been more active working around the house and yard.

We are hoping to bring the other two dogs over in the next couple of weeks. We got muzzles for Olive and Jaxx so that they cannot bite each other. They will have to get along and then the muzzles can come off.

This time has also afforded me opportunities to get back into art. That is in between school. I am working on my research methodology right now. I am literally researching research methods. I am hoping that any day now I will find out if I have gotten into the dissertation course. That will definitely take some of the stress away.

I am wondering how others are spending their time. Is anyone doing anything creative? Is anyone learning anything new? In some ways, maybe this is bettering the human race (besides the protesters).

Also, please sign the petition at http://www.tinyurl.com/sign-pcos. This is a petition to have PCOS recognized as a significant health concern. This would demand national attention and much needed government support.

Adoption, anxiety, depression, Health, lifestyle, pcos, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, stress, Women's Health

Managing Anxiety in Uncertain Times and PCOS Flare Ups

To begin this blog, we ended up losing Relish on Saturday. She went downhill after seeming to get better. My husband has been heart broken. She was his baby. It was a sad day. She never did get to come home to our new home.

We had a long talk and will be bringing my two boys here in a few weeks. My husband was angry again with his past. He didn’t realize how far he had let things go and did not realize that the dogs were not being cared for in a proper way, which included being fixed and having regular vet visits. From now on, this will not be the case in this house.

My PCOS has been flaring up. I started bleeding earlier this month, which I hardly ever do because I have an IUD in. It stopped and then started again last week. I went to see my obgyn and she seems to think it is from stress. I have been cramping and it hurts. It has been on and off and for now I just have to watch it. It is frustrating.

My anxiety has been kind of under control. I’m on a new medication and it seems to be working. My doctor is upping the dose and getting ready to bring down the Zoloft. I’m not going to say that this whole Covid 19 thing is not scary. It is messing up my routine. I have been trying to stay busy. I have plenty of art to catch up on and plenty of books to catch up on. I’m waiting for my problem statement for school to be approved so I can move forward with my research concept for my dissertation. I have several freelance writing gigs that are on hold because of this virus.

Lately I have been feeling sluggish and in pain. I push through it to get things done that need to get done around the house. Parenting has been hard the past couple weeks. I have had to put my foot down with my stepdaughter, soon to be adoptive daughter. It is because I love her and I see her going in a way that I do not want her to go. She has so much potential that she does not see. Tensions have been high between her and my husband. I have watched him cry over all of it. I cannot be like her birth mom and just not make her do things. I care too much to watch her not do anything with her life. She has so much talent and is so smart and for some reason she does not see it.

As of Monday, our adoption went through of our son. I really wish things were not the way they were so that we could have had a celebration. There will be an adoption party when we can all get together again. My mother-in-law texts every couple days to see how things are going. She says she hates this distancing thing because she just wants to give us all hugs. On the other hand, my brother is continuing to drink and go out. He lives with my parents and it is pissing me off that he is putting them at risk. I go see my dogs maybe once a week and that is about to stop if he continues to be so careless.

I am wondering how others are managing their anxiety during this time. How are you all keeping yourselves busy with staying at home, if you are able to stay at home. I am hoping that people continue to listen to the orders to stay at home, and those that aren’t begin to. This cannot last forever and hopefully soon life can get back to normal. I am hoping to write more now that I have more time.