anxiety, depression, Health, lifestyle, pcos, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, stress, Women's Health

Isolation is Hard, but Necessary

I know many people right now are struggling with some mental health issues due to social distancing. Having PCOS with the changing in hormones, my days are so different every day. Some days I am happy to be home and being able to get projects done. Other days, I just want to be able to put makeup on and go out and have fun. Then I get sad because life is not normal anymore. It probably never will be again. I get anxiety because I do not want to get this sickness.

I had to get tested last week. The test itself was not that bad. However, waiting for the results was the worst. Luckily it was negative. Our home isolation is now lifted, but we are still doing online orders for groceries. We have ordered so many new items for the house. The decorating is coming along nicely. The past couple days we have been working in the yard. We have so many ideas and we both have to keep reminding ourselves that we have years in this house to do what we want. We do not have to have everything done right now.

When it comes to isolation, I honestly think it is for the best. I do not want to get sick, nor do I want to be responsible for someone else getting sick. That is especially true if the person were to die from this virus. I cannot believe that grown men are protesting with guns about the stay-at-home orders. These are the same men who want to deny a woman her own bodily rights. Oh, women too, are protesting this. The things is, a woman’s choice to get an abortion hurts nobody. These men and women protesting, however, can infect others and hurt them. In Alabama, they have had an increase in infections since a protest happened. I try not to get political on here, but we have a shit for a leader. There are people being brainwashed by him and not listening to science. I’m currently reading a book on the 1918 flu. This is not the first time our country has failed to follow science rather than “freedom” or religious beliefs. We have a bunch of ignorant, uneducated people wanting to go out and get infected and infect others.

I have also been struggling with motherhood the past week. We had to show our son how to really clean a bathroom rather than just wipe it down. I feel bad that I am so picky, but I like things clean and organized. I’m a bit OCD. It is disappointing that the kids were never taught how to do things by their birth mother. It frustrates me sometimes when asking my husband why they were not taught how to do certain things. I know my son is sad because the anniversary is coming up, but he is dealing with it well. I feel bad because it does not seem that the kids did not have much of a normal, happy childhood. I feel this immense draw to create that for them, yet I know that I need to teach them things to become responsible adults. I see how my little girl (okay, she is not little, she will be 17 soon, but she is still little) suffers from certain things. I also know how I grew up and I know why she does some of the things that she does or why she feels some of the things that she does.

I am finally meeting with the bariatric surgeon next week. I also got my sinus surgery back on the books. It is scary not knowing if my cough is allergies or if it is Covid-19. Its like a game each day. I have been so stressed that I have been bleeding. My body is going crazy with its hormones out of whack. I hope that the surgery will help a bit with that. I am trying to work on eating healthier and I have been more active working around the house and yard.

We are hoping to bring the other two dogs over in the next couple of weeks. We got muzzles for Olive and Jaxx so that they cannot bite each other. They will have to get along and then the muzzles can come off.

This time has also afforded me opportunities to get back into art. That is in between school. I am working on my research methodology right now. I am literally researching research methods. I am hoping that any day now I will find out if I have gotten into the dissertation course. That will definitely take some of the stress away.

I am wondering how others are spending their time. Is anyone doing anything creative? Is anyone learning anything new? In some ways, maybe this is bettering the human race (besides the protesters).

Also, please sign the petition at http://www.tinyurl.com/sign-pcos. This is a petition to have PCOS recognized as a significant health concern. This would demand national attention and much needed government support.

Health, lifestyle, Women's Health

There is Not Enough Time in the Day

We went and did our walk-through of the new house today. Both of our parents were there with the kids. The kids are getting excited to move. We met one of the neighbors who also have dogs. They are about our parents’ ages and seem really nice. We close on Friday and move this weekend. We have gotten some amazing people to help us move. There are several issues though. First off, there is still so much packing to do. Second, Relish is still at the vet and tomorrow we need to make a hard decision. Third, my first assignment is due Sunday and it entails more than I thought it did.

The vet says that we can treat Relish for a few more days and see if she improves. There is a likely chance that she has a tumor or pancreatic cancer. She is too weak to do a surgery on. I am still angry about how these dogs were raised, but that is in the past. We have to do what is best for Relish. She is the sweetest dog I have ever met. She is not that old for a small dog. Had she been properly cared for, we would have her much longer. My husband is beyond himself. Relish is his baby. We are going to take Jaxx and Rollie to the new house. I just hope that they get along with Millie and Olive. I’m sure they will after some time. Jaxx and Olive are both needing some better training. Since we are basically quarantined right now, there will be time.

My course that I am in is a research concept course. As I said before, my progress will be tracked to see if I am ultimately accepted into the dissertation process. I have, at last minute, changed what I want to do my dissertation on. My first assignment is my problem statement for my dissertation. It is really hard trying to explain in a problem statement what I want to research. Then it comes down to the fact that I need to pick my research paradigm and my planned research design. Well, that makes it a lot more work. The next few days while packing, I will be mulling this all over in my head.

We are hoping to be in the house by Sunday. I cannot wait to bid this house farewell. The new house is so nice, in a better part of town, and just a new beginning for my family. While we were talking to the neighbors this evening there, my stepson noticed that I had worn the makeup he bought me. He looked so happy. And seeing how my stepdaughter interacts with people now just melts my heart. Both of them have grown so much. I need to keep remembering that when I get so mad. These things are in the past and better to be left in the past. We are all onto bigger and better things. Now if only my stalker would quit, that would be great. But, I guess when you do not have a happy life, you have to keep checking in on the life of others.

Right now I am trying to keep thinking of positive things. These are scary times right now with the Covid-19. I just want to get moved and hunker down with my family and wait until it passes. I made my own hand sanitizer last night because you cannot find any anywhere. I used my mom’s aloe plant and my small one with rubbing alcohol. I have not yet learned how to make it smell better, but it works. I put it in little squeeze bottles for everyone to use. This virus is bringing out the really ugly in people and the really good in people. The people who are hoarding and not leaving anything for their fellow humans are ugly. The ones that are helping others and sharing are the beautiful. If I have, I will give.