anxiety, depression, Health, lifestyle, pcos, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, stress

Times of Panic

This house is like a ticking time bomb. Our son has tested positive for Covid-19. He did not have the normal symptoms. He did not have the fever, cough, or shortness of breath that they tell you about. He had a very bad headache and some GI issues. They only tested him because he works in health care. I’m not going to lie, both my husband and I were a bit upset as he was not doing social distancing very well. But, we also were not the best role models because we were still going to my parents to see our dogs. Tuesday will be a whole week since I have seen him, even though he is just downstairs. Luckily, he has had a mild case and seems to be on the mend.

On the other hand, panic has set it. My husband and I never know if what we are feeling is us getting sick with Covid or if we are stressed or if it is just allergies. I was supposed to have sinus surgery before this all started, so sinus issues have not been very good. We are constantly taking our temperatures. Last night, I had such a bad panic attack that I nearly had my husband call an ambulance or take me to the ER. I am hoping that none of us get it.

It has been hard to focus on school. My research questions were accepted right away with no changes. Now I need to figure out a new qualitative research method and research that that method to write up my methodology by next week.

I am trying so hard to be okay. When we moved in, this house was my sanctuary. Now, I can barely sit in the living room or go into the kitchen. I know this all will pass, but right now it is hard. Since Covid has come into this house, it no longer feels like my safe place. I was so excited that we had made this house look so nice and have this nice living area to be in. Now, I have been stuck in the bedroom waiting to get sick. I am not feeling positive at all lately. I am trying. I will continue to try.

anxiety, depression, Health, lifestyle, pcos, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, stress

The Anxiety and Stress

I am going to be completely honest. I am struggling lately. I have been having many stomach flare ups which may be caused by stress or by medication. Due to the stomach issues, I had been confined to bed for a few days. I went to the ER, and they gave me a medication that I had a really bad reaction to. I had the worst panic attack and felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. They had to give me two other different medications to counteract the reaction. What angers me is that they say that it is a rare reaction. If it is such a rare reaction, then both of the ER doctors who look to be just out of med school should not have seen the reaction as many times as they have. Since then, my anxiety has been through the roof and it has been hard to function normally.

I know that my hormones are off balance right now. That does not help with the depression and anxiety going on. I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday and have decided to move forward with seeing her once a week for now. We are going to do some hypnotherapy again. I am a huge advocate for hypnotherapy. I also met with my new psychiatrist. Things are definitely going to be changing to get me back to my self. They are going to begin weaning me off of one of the medications that they think is upsetting my stomach and begin putting me on another.

My brother’s alcoholism has gotten worse. He looks horrible from the addiction. So, instead of actually working or studying right now, I am on the phone trying to find an affordable interventionist to work with my family to get him into a treatment. I honestly do not see him being around another year if he continues down this path. It is heartbreaking and a major cause of stress. I really want my brother back in my life, the one before the alcohol took over.

Another area is stress is the adoption that we are working on right now. My stepson is an adult and has made his decision. It is stressing everyone out. He would be afforded so many opportunities to better his life in this adoption. But, people keep sticking their noses in places that it does not belong. I have never seen a family so in each others business and so judgemental of what their family members do. It is so toxic. The worst part is when they google information and all of a sudden become experts on the law. I guess they know more about the law than the attorney that has been practicing family law for over 30 years, who is also a partner at one of the top law firms in the area.

Speaking of that, the reason I was told not to use the internet is that with adding on one medication to my other one, there can be a reaction. There is a tiny chance that there can be one, and none of the psychiatrists that mine has worked with have ever seen it. So, I need to steer clear of looking up symptoms. That way I do not cause the symptoms in myself. Part of the issues with treating an anxiety disorder is that the anxiety disorder fights the treatment. Part of the reason I think this country has been dumbed down is the fact that so many people google subjects and all of a sudden think they are experts.

I know this blog is based around my battle with PCOS. But PCOS can be worsened by stress and outside factors. I am not one to sugar coat or hide things. I have been fighting a battle every single day these past few weeks. It is a fight for my life. I cannot let anxiety and depression rule my life as it once did. It is not a way to live. I am taking every step possible to get out of this funk. I know it won’t be the last funk, because funks happen. I must find a way to handle this stress before I lose myself. I am tired of being sick and tired.