Adoption, anxiety, depression, Health, Women's Health

Let Us Make Some Things Clear

I’ve worked really hard to get from where I was to where I am now. I came from a messed up, hard drinking, angry, treating people like shit, feeling entitled, trashy little girl to where I am now. I’m still healing from my past. I don’t believe we ever truly heal from our scars. That is why they are there, to remind us of where we were and where we do not want to go back to. It shows us how far we have come.

Apparently, it is believed that I am jealous. I have to ask, jealous of what? All of my body parts are natural. I have an education. I have amazing relationships with my husband, kids, both sides of our families, and friends. I live my life and have goals. I know my beauty is both outside AND inside. Maybe I’m not skinny, eh, so what. You don’t need to be skinny to be beautiful. What you do need is a good attitude and to treat others well. What you say about me has NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with you.

I have this amazing relationship with my husband. We are equal partners. We both keep up house and we both work. We have had maybe two fights. One was caused by some very vile people and the other was while we were moving. We didn’t yell. It didn’t last long. That is because we respect each other. I am a firm believer that you get what you give in this world. If you give toxic, you get toxic.

Just because we adopted our son does not erase his birth mother. He talks about her all the time. He misses her. I listen to his stories. I enjoy hearing them. I may not have agreed with the way she lived, but she was my kids mom first. She raised an amazing young man. My soon-to-be adoptive daughter is equally as amazing. They both have these huge hearts and love with their all. I keep wondering why then, why are the older ones so horrible to us, especially to our son.

This takes me back to therapy. See, when people feel a certain way about themselves, they psychologically deflect. It is a narcissist’s way of abuse. See, someone is unhappy with their life and they see others around them doing well and being happy. These people are getting things that they do not have. So, they deflect. Basically, someone who calls another a name does so because they are so scared they are that name or feel like they are that name. They want to make you feel bad because they feel bad. If they aren’t happy, you cannot be happy. The way I have seen family members speak to each other is not love. That is abuse. It’s not respect. It’s sad. It hurts people and pushes them away. I keep telling those around me to not let what others say bother them. This is because it has nothing to do with us in this house. It has everything to do with the people saying it. They are the ones that have a problem. But, that problem is with themselves. That problem, that is internalized, is now coming out against people they supposedly love. You do not hurt people you love. You lift them up. You are supportive of them. And this whole, stay away from my so and so’s this…how old are we? Five? That’s my bike, don’t touch it. You can’t have the same bike as me because I did more to deserve it. Really? This is all getting so far out of hand.

That’s okay though. We will keep living our lives and moving forward while others stay unhappy and stuck. Eventually they will push too far and be all alone. I’ve been there. I hit rock bottom. I decided I did not want to keep focusing on the past and I wanted to live my life. Do I have some animosity there? You bet. I’ve had to clean up someone else’s messes. Jealous? Nope. I’m happy where I am and am content. I’m reaching my goals and I’m watching those around me that I love also reach for their goals. This too shall pass. We always make it through together. When it comes to jealousy, I think it is the other way around. People in this house are getting things others never got.