anxiety, depression, Health, lifestyle, pcos, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, stress, Women's Health

A Talk about Anxiety and Food

I went for my first appointment with the nurse practitioner for bariatric surgery yesterday. This is the woman that I will be meeting with once a month for the next six months. She was amazing and has me very excited that things can change. Basically where I am right now is that my gut is unwell. I need to fix my gut to fix my mind. It is a chicken and egg thing. Does my stomach hurt because of my anxiety? Or, is my stomach hurting driving my anxiety? She liked the fact that I am data driven. I like to have numbers of what works and what does not. She sent me home with several homework assignments.

So, beginning today I have started keeping a food journal. It is not just a food journal though. This particular journal that I found online records my food and drinks, but it also asks how I feel before and after each. This will help me figure out how different foods effect my mind and body. I am doing a high protein, low carb diet. Because I still need to burn energy, I need to make sure I have good fats when letting go of the carbs. I have to go in at the end of May to have a full blood panel done. This panel will allow them to see how my body handles insulin and which vitamins I may be deficient in or that I may have too much of. Having PCOS, insulin resistance is a major thing. Basically my body’s cells do not react to insulin in the correct way. My body does not use glucose for energy like normal people. So, in reaction, my body creates more insulin, causing my blood sugars to go up. Insulin promotes fat storage. So, while losing weight is possible, it is much harder for a woman with PCOS to do so. There are women who have PCOS that are not heavy, so this is not an every person thing. This panel will allow them to see if I need to be put back on Metformin. Besides birth control pills (which I cannot take hormones), Metformin is the only other way to treat PCOS medically. It is not approved to treat PCOS, but it is the most common medication for PCOS. It is not a fun drug to be on. It can cause stomach issues. For someone who already has stomach issues, it is important that I figure things out before possibly going back on it.

One thing that I have learned is that your gut has more serotonin receptors than your brain. Isn’t that insane? This means that eating crappy will make you feel crappy. Now I have this new woman on my team to add to my regular doctor, my therapist, and my psychiatrist. Through all of them, I am learning that self-care is so important to keep anxiety at bay.

Lately I have been extremely irritable. There has been a lot going on. I am writing my final paper for my coursework. It is due on Friday. Once that is turned in, I switch from doctoral student to doctoral candidate as all of my coursework will be done. All that will be left is the dissertation. I also have all of this research and reading to do for self-care. I have all these books on anxiety, PCOS, diets, and so on that I have been meaning to read. I am hoping that things will settle down and I will have a bit more time to do that. I have to keep reminding myself that two years ago my life was completely different. I was working and traveling a lot for work. I was in school, and my biggest worry was who was going to watch my dogs while I was out of town. I was kid free and only looking out for myself. Fast forward to today and I am now married, have two kids, bought a house, and still have dogs. It is no longer just about me, but I also need to care for me in order to care for all of them.

It is rough when I feel like I am constantly cleaning up after everyone else. And it is little things, like someone not hitting the trash can. I feel overwhelmed with the fact that nobody else seems to be able to deep clean the house. That means moving things and scrubbing things. Everyone else just wipes around things, including my husband. Drives me crazy.

Anyways, enough about that. What I need to be focusing on is some self-care. I have a writing test to do for a women’s health site that is quite popular. Lots of things to do, but I will find time for some yoga and meditation.

Adoption, anxiety, depression, Health, pcos, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Women's Health

Beginning a Journey

I have begun my journey to weight-loss surgery. Apparently this is something that is controversial. I made a post on my personal Facebook (I have yet to set one up for my blog). I got so many recommendations about diets and medications. Only one person, who had the sleeve done, was positive about it. Yes, I have done dieting, I’ve spent hours at the gym. I still gained weight. Having PCOS sucks. I am comfortable in my body, I like my curves. But, I also know that the extra weight makes me feel sick nearly every single day. The thing is, it is not that bad of a surgery. I’ve chosen to do the bypass surgery because there is a greater success rate. It is nearly the same surgery as what my mom had, just not as complicated. Yes, I do have to diet before I have the surgery. Insurance has a rule that I have to meet with a doctor once a month for six months to check in with my weight. I have to keep a food journal.

So, my husband and I are going to begin the south beach diet. I need to do a high protein and low carb diet. Some have suggested keto, but I don’t think they realize how dangerous that diet is. It is not a sustainable way of living. I am excited to begin this journey. I had a long talk with my therapist the other day because I have been having nearly daily panic attacks. I am going into the office next week to have some hypnotherapy. We are planning on doing another regression session to help with moving forward. Hypnotherapy may sound weird, but it has helped me be able to live my life. I still have anger towards certain individuals, I probably always will. I still have some PTSD from my past, but it gets better as time goes on. Lately though, I have felt it crippling me again. I know, so many things are going on in the world and things are changing. It is extremely hard to explain to a 20-year old why they cannot just go sit in a car with friends right now. Even with face masks, it is too risky. We have seen my in-laws twice since all of this started and they do not come near us, nor us them. When we go see the dogs, we stay outside of my parents and do not go near them.

I have emailed a dog trainer to work with Jaxx and his aggression towards Olive. I honestly don’t think he likes female dogs. We plan on bringing Rollie to live with us this weekend. We have all been trying to keep busy. We sign my daughter’s adoption petition papers tomorrow finally. She turned 17 yesterday. They are both growing up way too fast. One thing that was brought up by the bariatric surgeon is that if I wanted to have children, I could not have the surgery. I told him that ship has sailed. We have spoken about possibly adopting or even doing foster care. But I think at this point, we are happy with the way things are. I got accepted into dissertation and that will be my next year busy. My husband wants to go back to school for his master’s degree. We each have three degrees at this point and will both be getting a fourth. Too bad we couldn’t have kids. They could probably rule the world. Not saying that the ones we have now couldn’t. Both are extremely smart.

Right now I am battling yet another sinus infection with an ear infection. I cannot wait to get the sinus surgery done! I feel like I may be coming out of this funk. I try to look around when I get bad and see all of the people in my life and all of the accomplishments. We are still enjoying our new house. We have been working on the yard and have so many ideas of what we want to do. The inside is coming along nicely. Home ownership has been fun so far. We’ve had a few snags, but it is so cute to see my husband looking up landscaping ideas.

For now, I will keep trying to look at the positive and try not to focus so much on the negative. I’m still working on getting negative people out of my life. Some people can never be supportive or happy for you no matter what.